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In the late 1980’s as I was retraining myself for a career in IT I needed an income and was offered an evening job by someone who knew me but it had two slightly odd aspects to it:

Firstly it was as a Doorman (Bouncer) of a West End Bar and whilst prepared to stand up as the occasion required, I was certainly at 5’8” no Rambo.  The second aspect was that it was a ‘Gay Bar’ and whilst I had no problem with that, whether the customers would accept being “policed” by a straight chap was another question. Oddly enough though, it all worked out reasonably well …

Setting the Rules

My Boss was the “straightest” gay man I ever met but between us we worked out some simple “Rules” which had to be enforced due to the Licensing Laws and regardless of whether it was a Gay or a Straight Bar. You can no more have sex in the toilets of a gay bar than you can a straight one – more than enough details I think, let’s leave it there.

Over the next few months, the clientele came to accept that “their straight doorman” was always fair, never ‘homophobic, the “Rules” were applied equally without fear or favour and most times, in a good natured way but, rather firmly if the situation demanded. Now most likely at this point you may well be wondering where the heck I’m going with this and just how does this relate to British Foreign Policy ? Stay with me on this one, I do have a point about ‘perceptions’ to make.

A Lesson Learned

It didn’t take 5 minutes to work out that “violent incidents” poisoned the atmosphere and screwed the evening’s takings whereas being firm but good natured, worked well for the business so providing they weren’t being violent and were going in the direction I wanted – the Exit I was reasonably patient. There would be a lot of “gob” but I had to turn to some of our regular customers for interpretations and explanations of a lot of it.

The one I least understood was this: “You’re only throwing me out because you don’t like me.” I asked some of our regulars what that meant and after they stopped laughing they explained. “What he was saying was that if he were you both capable and in a position of authority being a silly little queen, he would tell people to leave the Bar simply on the basis of who he liked and fancied, that John is the way he thinks – that is his life he could never understand you and your motivations in 100 years.”

Looking at Africa and the Middle East

Perhaps the reason why Black Africa is such a total waste of time is that achieving “Power” to them means behaving as selfishly and badly, as the person they replace. Execute Mugabe and all Zimbabwe will get is another ‘Mugabe’ with a different name, the short sighted stupidity will always remain.

By the same token, Arabs will say that the West will invade to ‘steal’ their oil, why ? Because that is what they would do, in this light, invading Iraq is all about the ‘oil’ because as Saddam demonstrated over Kuwait, left alone, that is what the average Arab will do. It is important to understand this because whatever we in the West say, we are being heard but rarely understood by the Arabs and the Persians and we need to take this on board when formulating policies. There is absolutely no point in saying we are not going to ‘steal their oil’ so, tell them we are… they can live with that idea, truth, justice, liberty they cannot, it’s rather like trying to convince Polar Bears that eating Pineapple is good for them – they might not quite get the point.

Think Out of the Box

The next time I was removing someone from the Bar for bad behaviour and they said; “You’re only throwing me out because you don’t like me.” My reply was very simple:

“You are just so right; we have standards to maintain in this Bar to ensure it remains the top West End spot for “Jolly Gentlemen”. Smart casual is fine but, “Man at C&A” you are taking the piss son you are clearly a sad sack of shit so bugger off back to Orpington !” Or something similar.

Oddly enough, it kind of worked out. I suppose at the end of the day, it is important to understand what your own objectives are first and from that, get to grips with the thought processes of those you need to persuade or mentally flip, to achieve them. It may not be your way of thinking but it is theirs so always remember, to understand is not to agree or condone but if you don’t make the effort to ‘understand’, you can’t get your job done, neither can you reach your objectives.

Silly Things to Say

Oh, and one other thing: “This will hurt me more than you” – Why ? You are just not doing it right. If you are going to hurt people, hurt them properly or don’t do it in the first place.

“I know where you are coming from.” – Who cares, they get on the programme or, you “Know where they are going” – a frigging Body Bag !

“I am your friend.” No you are not, you are a business partner and the deal has to work or cut, both ways.

Render Unto Caesar…

What I’m trying to say is this: If we need oil and we are sold it at appropriate prices with a constant supply, do I really care whether Arabs beat their women, make them wear baggy clothes, veils, forbid them to drive cars and refuse them an education. The answer is no and I don’t give a shit.

Do I care if British Muslims, Hindus and Sikhs treat their female family members like this in the UK, yes I do because it is Britain and these ladies are British Citizens first and foremost under Civil Law in what is a secular society, the ins and outs of any religion take second place to secular law in practical matters – you may not kill your daughter as an “Honour Killing” and expect to walk away free, you are a murderer and shall be punished accordingly under Criminal Law.